Don't Let This Happen to You

So I literally tossed and turned ALL NIGHT last night deliberating whether or not I was going to post anything about this. I had decided that it was a personal matter and would not need to be discussed with anyone outside of those directly involved, but I convinced myself otherwise.

Disclaimer: I am in NO WAY trying to start a political discussion. I WILL NOT tolerate any lashing or negativity. This is VERY VERY humbling for me.

On to the blog...

My two sons and I are in Oklahoma visiting my family for the Holidays. John will be joining us next Wednesday. Yesterday started like any other morning. Caleb coming to my room way too early so I convinced him to snuggle with me and get a little more sleep. A few hours later he decided he had enough snuggling and insisted on getting up.

Zac was waking a little too but was still sleepy. So I told Caleb to go find Nana and I was going to feed Zac and get him back to sleep. I could hear Caleb with my mom in the bathroom talking and my stepdad Charles was in the front getting ready to head off to work for the day. There was an exchange about water bottles and my mom told Caleb to go get his off the kitchen table.

Then I heard it.

I didn't know what it was. It was a very loud POP and shrieks of horror from Caleb. I thought he had tumbled backwards in the dining room chair. They have high backs and I have been constantly telling him to turn around and sit in the chair right. I immediately get up to run to to him as I hear my mom running down the hall at the same time.

Then I hear her yell OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I immediately start screaming as I don't have my glasses on and I am seriously blind without them. I can't really see anything other than my mom hovered over Caleb frantically looking him over and Charles, who also heard the sound and came running, saying I'm so sorry, please forgive me.

Still not completely registering what had happened... shaking... and freaking out myself... I am yelling at my mom to tell me what happened.

Then Charles showed me the gun.

My two and a half year old son shot a gun.

Charles had taken his gun down from where he stores it and went to grab his cell phone which charges by the dining room table. Saw that the phone was still charging so went to the garage to quickly grab something he needed to take to work with him. He left his 9mm handgun on the middle of the table.

Let me add here that he did not know that Caleb was awake and with my mom in the bathroom.

Caleb went to the kitchen to get his water bottle and saw the gun. He took it out of the holster and pulled the trigger.

I THANK GOD HE HAD IT POINTING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!!! The only injury he has is a scuff and slight bruise on his collar bone where the gun recoiled and hit him.

I will say again I THANK GOD FOR HIS DIVINE PRESENCE AND PROTECTION! Every night our prayers with Caleb begin "Dear Jesus, thank you for this day. Thank you for keeping me safe..." I never realized how much I took that statement for granted.

I still start shaking and my stomach turns in knots when I start thinking about it.

As I lay in bed thinking about this last night and realizing just how lucky we were I decided that this needed to be shared.

40% (give or take) of homes in America have guns in them. To put that in perspective... Of the 13 people who read my blog (me and my 12 followers) 5 of us have guns in our homes.

No matter how "educated" you think your child might be about the dangers of guns they are still children.

Caleb and I had a discussion about the dangers of guns and why we don't play with them. They are only for grown ups and if you ever see a gun you don't touch it and you come find mommy.

That being said... I am 99% sure that he would do the same thing again if he found himself in a similar situation. He's 2 1/2. I would be naive to believe otherwise. I was naive to believe he wouldn't be able to pull the trigger.

But he did. And my world was almost shattered in an instant...

Now I grew up in a house with guns. My dad had a gun case that was always locked. My grandpa had guns in their house. My mom even kept a revolver under her mattress after my parents got divorced. I knew the dangers of guns. I knew they weren't toys and I was not supposed to touch them. But that didn't stop me as a kid.

When I was about 7 or 8, my cousin and I were playing at my grandparents house. They had a big closet in their room and we were allowed to play in their closet and bedroom and the bedroom directly across from theirs. We liked to play hide and seek and house... One night we were playing in the closet and saw that my grandfathers safe was left slightly open. Out of curiosity we opened the door to find some cash and diamonds and a small gun. We ignored everything else but took out the gun. We didn't pull the trigger... don't even know if it was loaded. But we still took it out and played with it even though we both knew what we were doing was wrong.

Don't think your kids are smart enough to know better. I was smart enough to know better but I still played with a gun.

Don't believe that you are ever "safe" if you have a gun in your house.

I am not saying that having guns is wrong and I am not going to go down that road. Just make sure that IF you have guns in your house please be safe. Your child WILL find the gun.

Please do not store a loaded gun in your house unlocked. Especially where your kids can get to them. It doesn't get safer as they get older. Then you have to worry about them "showing off" to their friends.

Don't be afraid to ask the parents of your kids friends if they have guns in the house and where/how they keep them stored.

Again, please don't pass judgement. This could happen to anyone no matter how safe and cautious you think you might be.

I never thought this would happen to me but it did. Don't let it happen to you.

Tears In A Jar - Happy Birthday

So 03 December 2009 would have been my twins' 4th Birthday. It's crazy to think that it has been four years already. But somedays it still feels like it was yesterday.

I am struggling to find the balance between remembering and letting go. Not letting go in the sense of forgetting, but more of a healing. This is a HUGE struggle for me. It seems like just when I think I finally have a grip on things I am tested. And most of the time I fail... sometimes miserably.

To be honest, I hate hearing about people having twins. It irritates me to my core. Especially if I know the person. I always wonder what makes her so special that she can have healthy, full term twins and I can't. There must be something wrong with me. Why her and not me?

It doesn't help that I started having labor contractions Thanksgiving weekend and I had Abigail and Kiersten 3 weeks before Christmas.

I remember that first Christmas... I tried to put on a happy face but I was just going through the motions. I was absolutely NOT in the mood for Christmas but I also knew that it wasn't all about me. I had other family and friends to be with and I didn't want my giref to ruin their otherwise Happy Holidays. So I put on my best happy face and trudged through it. I was barely treading water. I don't know if I was just being overly sensitive or if other people were overcompensating trying to be extra nice to me but I wanted to tear into some people. If I heard someone ask me what I wanted for Christmas one more time....

But I made it through... And I am still making it... One day at a time it seems...

It kind of worked out conveniently the first year for John and I to go cut a Christmas tree on the twins' birthday. That was a nice time and I decided I wanted to make it a tradition.

This year we are in Oklahoma visiting my famliy. The kids and I drove down right after Thanksgiving. So I asked my dad to come with us to cut a tree. Tree Farms in Oklahoma are different from Tree Farms in Michigan. I'm talking different ends of the spectrum. But anyway... we found a tree and Caleb helped cut it down.

One thing that Oklahoma has over Michigan is the weather. It sure was nice tree hunting in the warm sunshine with no snow. Usually in Michigan it is cold and we are trekking through knee deep snow across acres to find the perfect tree.

I'll post pictures when I can get them downloaded.